I took one of those silly online personality tests the other day and was quite surprised that they had my personality pegged to a T. Now, I realize that I’m not unique. As a matter of fact, I kept inserting information for the people close to me in my life and soon discovered that they had about 3-4 different personality profiles that they used. Still it was dead on for my personality.
As I read the results, even though I already knew about myself, it made me think about how others see me. It was like I was looking at myself through fresh, new glasses, through the eyes of others. I am idealistic. I am one that enjoys thinking of others. I can’t understand why others aren’t like me. I’m not anyone special. If I can change and improve my life, why can’t others? If I can be nonjudgemental, why can’t others? If I can see that there is more to life than just running life’s rat race that society has dictated, why can’t others? If I know what it takes and am willing to make sacrifices to protect my children why can’t others?
I still feel stupefied when I hear of recent events of racism, or prejudice. I still feel stupefied when I hear of mother who hurts or murder their children, or allow their boyfriends to do so. I hate that we are forced to conform to fit society’s idea of who we should be.
Why should my son be forced into a diagnosis because he doesn’t fit into the academic box that society created? The first thing the “professionals” want to do is put him on medication, when in reality he just needs a little more structure. He’s not going to be the kind person who will be able to work desk job in some small little cube pushing paper. What that means is that it is my job, along with our educational system to help guide him to pursue his talents. Help him figure out where he fits in.
He’s not disruptive at school, he’s never had behavior problems, actually just the opposite, his teachers have always said how pleasant and polite he is. His one fault, disorganization and lack of effort when it comes to subjects that he doesn’t excel at or have an interest in. That sounds like me, that sounds like a lot of people I know, yet, I function just fine in the real world. There are some skills he does need to learn in order to be a productive member of society, but I really don’t want to squash his creative side in order to achieve that.
And why is it that society dictates our love for sports. I think sports is a great way to exert energy and to stay active, fit and healthy. I love watching my boys play sports, but other than that, I don’t really care about them. I don’t care what a tight end does, or a right fielder, or goal keeper, or any of it. I have no desire to learn the positions, the rules or the teams. Yet, it is so ingrained in our blood that since I don’t know anything, I’m the minority. I might as well be on display at the circus. I’m the one in the tent labeled, “un-American sport-less freak”, come one, come all!
No one really cares to get to know what it is that does interest me. If it’s not the same as them, they have no interest. I’ve dated enough in my life and grew up with brothers that I at least try to have an interest. I ask the questions, I’m open to learning about new things. Yet, that is probably one of the reasons I’m still single. I have yet to find someone who is open to learning about me, learning about my life, learning about my interests, my passions, what drives me. I want someone who will challenge me to learn new things, make me see things from a different angle, someone who will make me think. But equally to that, I want someone who will allow me to challenge them to learn new things, make them see things from a different angle, I want to make them think.
I don’t want to be put in a box and I don’t want anyone to force my kids into that box either. What happened to individuality? So what if my son wants to wear his hair a little bit longer? So what if I don’t want to get married again? Why do we still think that the only thing women want is marriage?
In the spring I will taking a class on conformity and rebellion. It’s the perfect way for me to end this part of my educational journey. I’ve been going to school for 7 years. In the beginning I started out doing it so that I would be able to provide my children with a better life than I had. I remember being overwhelmed at the sheer effort it would take to earn a four year degree. My dad told me that it was not a race, but a journey and to hang on and enjoy it. I had no idea what an education would do for me. I’m not talking about the ability to earn more money, but what it did for me on the inside. It changed who I am as a person. It opened my eyes to the big wide world and it opened my eyes to my own soul. I have a better sense of who I am and where I am going. If I could pass on one thing to my children, that would be it. I would hope that they would believe in themselves, learn who they are and be proud of it, be confident in it, and pass it on to others.
